24 February 2016

2015 was challenging. I faced many new ups and downs, and many new struggles. For the first time, I truly understood the essence of "time management". It's a zero sum game really, and the struggle is real. Sometimes I look back and I wish I made better decisions. Sometimes I wish I spent more time with who really matters - and that brings me to wondering what in the world I end up doing with my time. Is my world truly only revolving around work and whatever time I can squeeze after? I feel so stretched. And I blame it partly on a side of me which is fully career driven like some sort of work bitch. I'm still finding ground, and I really need God's guidance.

April will bring a fresh beginning for me - it's both exciting and scary at the same time. I've never been one to lowball myself, but I always fear not being able to make the mark. I don't like disappointing, and I would never want to let myself or anyone who believes in me down. That aside, I sometimes wonder if I'm letting myself down - in a whole different manner. If I'm really okay, if I really can accept my lows, and be okay with my highs. I need to work out within myself if this is something good, or really just toxic.

Happiness - such a simple word. Yet so difficult to achieve. I know that God provides, but I wonder if this is truly how my life is supposed to play out. Some things push me to the brink of giving up, but yet I'm still fighting. It's getting harder and harder and I wonder if I'll ever feel like I've reached the end of a cliff. Like I'd just be free falling to my demise.

Just gotta hang in there? Okay, noted.

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